THAT'S NICE, BUT HERE'S MY IDEA.

So for a while I've been thinking about why it's women who generally spend most of their life picturing their ideal wedding. I mean, I guess I get WHY women dream about this stuff, but why is it that men don't? "Well it's because it's a girl thing..." you may be saying, but that's only because most people have already accepted the "standard" white wedding scene and therefore go with the flow. Guys have come to accept that it's more of a big deal for their future wives rather than something they should really have a hand in creating. Now, I am a part of this school of thought...that is if you go for the cookie cutter white wedding. Lately, though, I've been asking myself, "Why can't this be a day to show case the groom?"

WELCOME TO A GUY'S WEDDING

TUXEDO

Why go for the standard penguin suite? If the bride is the one wearing a white dress, why can't I wear a purple velvet tuxedo with a soft crimson red velvet bow tie with a shirt with all those 60's frilly foofs along the chest? Also give me one of those soft mink cloaks kings usually have. I need something that drapes so I look more awesome as I stroll down the aisle.

RING BEARER

Who says the ring bearer has to be this adorable kid from some family member you never even realized existed? Give me one full grown adult Bengal tiger with a top hat and neck tie.

WEDDING SONG

The song...you all know it. Why does it always have to be that song? I am pretty sure the composer didn't write it specifically for weddings. So in my wedding scenario, I will be walking down the aisle so that everyone one can see how super fly I am in my get up. Now there is only one song that makes sense as I walk down the aisle or should I say one band....DRAGON FORCE. It's gonna be an amazing walk down the aisle, my friends. There will be lasers, fire works coming up from the floor and falling down from the ceiling. There will be hot girls dressed in tight leather escorting me to my bride to be. I will also have a walking stick with a giant diamond on the top, because, let's face it, it's just cool. OH...and don't forget the monocle I'll be rockin' for the evening.

RECEPTION

Yeah, the reception is pretty standard. Food, music, cake, but I say, give the people something they can really enjoy. I can't tell you how many times I've been to a wedding as a regular guest and have it SUCK. No date, no good music, no fun. Not at my wedding. I care for my guests. That is why there will be a petting zoo, spin the bottle, seven minutes in heaven, and kegs of champagne. Too often people show up to a wedding without really knowing anyone...THAT'S BORING. Single guys become randomly paired with single girls. Then those pairs challenge other pairs to drinking games. CAN THIS BE MORE AMAZING?!

WEDDING TRINKETS (OR PARTY FAVORS)

I don't want a picture showing me how disgustingly in love the wedding couple are. I don't need a reminder of THEIR perfect day. I know what people want. GRILLZ. Enough said.


JUST MARRIED!!

Yeah, we can leave in a limo. Limos are cool. A regular car, sure. That's fine, too. Can's attached to the back of the car? Not the most original, but sure. But I don't want to be just fine with it. I want to be blown away from it. That's why when it's all said and done, me and my woman are driving away in GRAVE DIGGER with a bunch of minis dragging behind us as we drive away.