Gifts are supposed to be great, right? It doesn't matter what the gift is. What is important is the intent behind the actual gift giving. Well, unless you live in the land of sunshine and strawberries, crappy presents do exist. We've all either received them or given them at some point. While by no means the lamest or least imaginative gift, these gifts leave much to be desired.FROM FATHER TO SON
Usually when a parent buys a gift for their child they usually go for something simple. A toy, action figure, video games, books...at least something they know their son/daughter will love and find hours of entertainment from. Not Heinrich Hoffman. He said to hell with that and decided to give the gift of discipline to his son one cold and efficient Christmas morning in 1844. Having come to the conclusion that there was no present worth giving to his son (I am sure his son would beg to differ), Psychiatrist Heinrich Hoffman decides to write a bunch of cautionary tales, bind them together and give them to his son. Now I am all for creative and unique hand-made presents, but when the name of the gift is Struwwelpeter (Slovenly Peter) and is a collection of 10 cautionary stories detailing how naughty children will be punished (Play with matches? Burn to death. Suck you thumb? Thumbs get cut off), the idea of a gift certificate for Christmas is beginning to look like the greatest present on earth.
Usually when a parent buys a gift for their child they usually go for something simple. A toy, action figure, video games, books...at least something they know their son/daughter will love and find hours of entertainment from. Not Heinrich Hoffman. He said to hell with that and decided to give the gift of discipline to his son one cold and efficient Christmas morning in 1844. Having come to the conclusion that there was no present worth giving to his son (I am sure his son would beg to differ), Psychiatrist Heinrich Hoffman decides to write a bunch of cautionary tales, bind them together and give them to his son. Now I am all for creative and unique hand-made presents, but when the name of the gift is Struwwelpeter (Slovenly Peter) and is a collection of 10 cautionary stories detailing how naughty children will be punished (Play with matches? Burn to death. Suck you thumb? Thumbs get cut off), the idea of a gift certificate for Christmas is beginning to look like the greatest present on earth.
FEEL THE BURN
Imagine a Christmas where you're gathered around a huge tree surrounded by 30 of your closest friends and family. Everyone is closely watching what gifts were bought and who they were given to. Now it's your turn. Your first present is not too big but not too small, either. You tear it open and and say, "Ahh, thanks just what I wanted." It's Tony Horton's p90X fitness program. Now the person who gave you the gift says, "I thought it would be useful for you." You put on the fakest smile of your life. Your words say "thank you", but your eyes say" fuck you."
Imagine a Christmas where you're gathered around a huge tree surrounded by 30 of your closest friends and family. Everyone is closely watching what gifts were bought and who they were given to. Now it's your turn. Your first present is not too big but not too small, either. You tear it open and and say, "Ahh, thanks just what I wanted." It's Tony Horton's p90X fitness program. Now the person who gave you the gift says, "I thought it would be useful for you." You put on the fakest smile of your life. Your words say "thank you", but your eyes say" fuck you."
STUDY STUDY STUDY.
This example is very personal to me. Why? Well cause this actually happened to me. Imagine it's Christmas morning (again?). You're 10 years old. It's been an eternity since the Christmas season started and all you want to know is what awesome gift "Santa" gave you this year. You made sure to try hard in your studies, not to give your parents a hard time, and not be a dick to homeless people. You just know Christmas 1994 is gonna be awesome. You're gonna have the best gifts and you're gonna be spending the rest of the day playing with the new Lion-O action set with Sword of Omens accessory. You look under the tree and you see a box with your name. It's a little smaller than you expected. In fact it's really small, but you don't care. You know it's got to be what you have been lusting over for the better part of the year. You rip apart the wrapping like a guido rips apart his shirt at a rave. And there it is. A pencil sharpener. Just like you never wanted.
Shout out: HEY Sassmuffin! That's you in the pic. YEAH!
1 comment:
hollaaa!
by the way, i DO live in the land of sunshine and strawberries. it's delightful.
also, glad to know you weren't too much of a dick when you were 10 years old.
ALSO i like the new site design :)
that is all.
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