BY YOUR POWERS COMBINED....

Who doesn't know Captain Planet? Whether or not you religiously followed the show, you know who he is and what he's about. I admit, I had a Captain Planet action figure when I was a kid. Like many others, I was seduced by his gorgeous shiny blue skin, green haired mullet, and his message of environmentalism (well not really). Anyhow, I was just thinking about this show today and well.....

YOUR CARDIAC ORGAN IS FULL OF EMOTION

Who doesn't think that Heart is a terrible power? I mean really. Everyone else controls some cool element while a surprisingly pale Amazonian kid wields the power of caring and compassion. What's up with that? Yes, okay. The guy gets to communicate with animals BUT Dr. Doolittle does the same thing but he doesn't need a ring to pull it off. It's like, Gaia ran out of elemental powers and just made one up on the fly. I mean....forcing people to HAVE compassion and to care... I'd rather have the power of shooting meatballs out of my nostrils than the power of forcing people to sympathize any day.

COME AGAIN. WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

Wheeler. Clearly everyone's favorite Planeteer. Not only does he wield the awesome power of fire, but he's a bad ass cool American. You know the Japanese and Russian girl wanted a piece of the Wheelman. Heck, I'm pretty sure Gaia even had a thing for him. Realistically, that is the only way he could even become a Planeteer. He was so reckless and "bad ass" that no sane person would give him the sole power to control and wield the element of fire in real life. Oh, and his fiery red hair...this show has layers.

I AM CAPTAIN PLANE.......AHH THERE'S GARBAGE ON MY CHEST

So Captain Planet is supposed to be the secret weapon of Gaia and The Planeteers. Just like Voltron wields its sword and Lion-O calls on the Sword of Omens, Captain Planet is only called upon when the Planeteers absolutely need him. But wait. Get any sort of pollution on his chest and his is rendered completely useless. Well that can be kinda tough because you can pretty much find pollution anywhere. What's the use of having a secret weapon against pollution when that weapon can't even survive in an environment that has pollution? Does that make sense to anyone? OH and another thing. The rings are completely useless when Captain Planet is summoned. Who designed this terrible attack plan?