THE GREATEST SPORT YOU NEVER HEARD OF

Curling, cross country skiing, speed walking, and badminton. As riveting, captivating, and engrossing as these sports are, they are quickly becoming standard and run of the mill. Curling used to get me more excited than an evening alone locked in my room with unrestricted internet access, but now, even Whoopi Goldberg gets my heart racing faster than the women of the Swedish curling team. The world needs new sporting events like Justin Beiber needs to hit puberty (ie. urgently). Here are few which are about to take the world by storm.

ROOK TO YOUR FACE

"Fighting is done in the ring and wars are waged on the board" This is the motto of the World Chess Boxing Organization. That's right. CHESS BOXING. If you find watching a regular chess match mind numbingly slow and think that boxing is best left to uncultured brutes, then this is the sport for you. Get ready for eleven rounds of pure mind brawls. I like to see a computer take on a human in THIS chess match.

THE LEGACY OF GENERAL BURNSIDE

Ever think your facial hair is just the awesome-est thing this side of these United States? Well think again, bucko, cause obviously you have not heard of The World Beard and Moustache Championships. This is when the manliest men in the world smear their testosterone all over their faces and make us feeble weaklings with pathetic lip pubes cower in shame at our obvious deficiencies.

MAN VS. BEAST

Well, in this case it's actually a horse. Besides turning hills into mountains for no other reason than to kill time and to watch Hugh Grant be his bumbling self, the Welsh are also known for having marathon runners compete against mounted horse contestants in a test of stamina and agility. This event started when two guys couldn't figure out if a man could beat a horse in a cross country race. Is no one ever sober in this country?