Wednesday, August 25, 2010

KAPPAS: THE UNKNOWN DANGER

Global warming, green house gases, clowns, Twilight. These are many of the issues threating the human race. The instill fear in the populace and foreshadow a future filled with lawless cannibals and a savage war over the world's remaining natural resources. Many people, however, are unaware of a danger which has been in existence of millenia. The kappa.


KAPPA-NO-KAWA-NAGARE

According to the ancient scrolls (Wikipedia),
their bodies are often more like those of monkeys or frogs than human beings. Some descriptions say their faces are apelike, while others show them with beaked visages more like those of tortoises or with duck beaks. Pictures usually show kappa with thick shells and scaly skin that ranges in color from green to yellow or blue

In other words, they haven't got a clue.

DANGEROUS MINDS

Their troublesome activity ranges from the random annoyance to the outright dangerous and deadly. Not only are they known for stealing crops and kidnapping children, but they also loudly pass gas and look up women's kimonos! I can feel the future just slipping from mankind's fingertips.

ACHILLES HEEL

Kappas are more of a threat to humanity than let's say cockroaches, locusts, or Jay Leno's chin. Fortunately, nothing is indestructible. Even the great T-1000 was able to be brought down by the one-liners of Arnold Schwarzenegger. Here's the trick. Kappas, while keen on looking up innocent women's kimonos, for some reason obsess over being polite. When confronted by a Kappa, gesture with a deep bow and more than likely, the Kappa will do the same. This is their fatal flaw and weakness. By bowing, water kept in their bowl shaped head will spill out, thus, rendering the Kappa completely paralyzed. Who would have thought that being polite could have such disastrous repercussions. Plus, why would a creature so used to passing gas and kidnapping people be so obsessed with etiquette? Am I missing something here?



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