RAPID TRANSPORT, YOU SAY?

Many people have used the BART before, and people who know me know that, in my opinion, BART is a poor example of "rapid" public transportation. I pretty much bad mouth BART all the time, but when it comes to going to the city, it's my preferred method, followed by horseback, and plain just not going to the city. Here are my gripes with this poor excuse for public transportation and suggestions for improving its experience.

PORT-A-POTTY

Now this doesn't happen all the time, but enough times for me to notice. Why does some of the train cars smell like urine? Do people seriously get away with peeing in the cars or is there so much accumulated filth that the train cars just smell like an open sewer on a hot day? Solution: If you pee on the train, a government official gets to pee on you.

CLOSED FOR MAINTENANCE

Why do the trains always break down? And when they do, why are we forced to wait in a packed, hot, and stuffy compartment with no ventilation? Solution: Hire Sir Topham Hat and Thomas the tank engine to improve train efficiency in the Bay. If unavailable, hire Germans. Having a German just makes things more efficient. It's one of the laws of nature.

HAMMER, ANVIL, STIRRUP

Why is it terribly deafening while traveling through tunnels, and don't say, "it's cause you're going through a tunnel". I've been a bunch of different subway stations that travel underground and none of them make me bleed from my ears. Solution, fill the tunnels with jello. Whether or not this reduces the decibel level is beyond me. But wouldn't it be cool to look out the window as you travel through a tunnel of jello?