DIESEL POWERED

The last time I did this, I had a great time analyzing the many layers of this man's greatest works. His words are like pearls, coated in platinum, and then wrapped in unicorn fur. Rare and beautiful. The sound of his voice would seduce even the deadliest of sirens. Should beauty, grace, and wisdom be personified, they would be this man. Shaquille O'Neal. Get ready to be schooled.

"BEING MARRIED, I DON'T WANT INTERPLAY OR FOREPLAY WITH ANOTHER MAN. YOU SAY 'HI, HOW YOU DOING?' AND YOU KEEP MOVING."

Now I am not a married man. I am a single young, strapping, intelligent, and adventurous male (hear that ladies?), but I totally can get what Shaq is going on about. Should I ever be married, I wouldn't want to engage in any kind of interplay or foreplay with any other man. Being single, it's totally cool. Interplay away with your fellow man, but not when you're married. Don't mess around. Just say "Hi" and go about on your business.

"TELL YAO MING, 'CHING-CHONG-YANG-WAH-AH-SOH.'"

The Diesel never ceases to amaze me. Now I have always known him to be an articulate and educated individual, but a linguist as well? When did this maestro of the English language have the time to tackle and master Mandarin? His tone, grammar, and delivery, were spot on. Are there no limits to this man's greatness? For those of you who are curious, Shaq said, "As the wind touches upon the cheeks of the young child, the sun lights his path ahead." This is a quote from the 15th century Chinese poet, Lee Chin Chong Chan. Shaq, I tip my hat to you. You are the very definition of a cultured man.

"I HAVE ORDERS NOT TO COME BACK UNTIL I'M A THOUSAND PERCENT."

Not content with devoting his entire mind, body, and soul to the sport, Shaquille O'Neal is determined to multiply 100 percent of his effort by a factor of ten. While us normal people are limited by the skills mother nature has bestowed upon us, Shaq annihilates those limits and gives Mother Nature the bird. Shaq has transcended to a higher level. More serene and peace loving than the Dalai Lama, more pensive than Rodin's The Thinker, and more graceful than Baryshnikov, Shaquille O'Neal is literally the pinnacle of greatness.