Imagine swinging through the high rise city scape of New York City. Being able to scale any surface and react to any situation faster than any other person alive. Sounds pretty coo, huh? But what if Spider-Man lived in the real world? Would it still be cool to be Spider-Man?MAN-SCAPING
Ever wonder how Spider-Man scales those walls? Hair you say? Well you would be correct BUT....and this is a big but, the hair wouldn't be as microscopic as you would expect. If Spider-Man scales a building with clothes on, the body hair has to be long enough to penetrate through the clothing in order to grab at the surface. Doesn't sounds to bad? Think about his feet. If he's wearing thick boots, imagine how long the hair on his feet has to be. Unless you wanna have more body hair than an 80's pornstar, I'm not sure climbing walls is gonna be worth it. If that doesn't convince you, what do you think will happen when you give your BFF a high five? Well with that velcro body hair of yours combined with your super strengh,you may very well rip his arm off.
YOU HAVE WHAT COME OUT WHERE?
Spins a web any time. How cool would it be to pick up your date by swinging on a giant web? Not only is it sexy and adventurous, but it saves on bus fare, which means you can buy your date one more item off the dollar menu. But being in the real world, all that wrist splooge isn't gonna just cleanly come off your wrist. What if you are wearing long sleeves, and that stuff gets all over your clothes? Well you're gonna look like you just jacked off onto your own sleeves. How many times do you think your girlfriend is gonna let that one slide?
OVER WORKED AND UNDER PAID
Saving a damsel in distress sounds like it could be fun, right? At the end of the night you could very well walk away with the phone number of a hot girl. What's wrong with that? What about 20 damsels in distress, 4 balds guys, and an over weight cop who unfortunately had a little "accident" due to the overwhelming stress of the situation. And that's all before the night of the big final you got in Non-Classical Astro Physics. What about rescuing every lost cat in the entire state all before that sexy date you have planned with your significant other? Well I can tell you right now fur balls are not an aprhodisiac and neither is having to give mouth-to-mouth to that bald pimp. What happens when all the over weight, donut-eating cops start to rely a little TOO much on your good deeds? Well I can tell you this much, kiss your you life of LARPING and attending the local ice cream socials with your "special girl" good bye.
Spins a web any time. How cool would it be to pick up your date by swinging on a giant web? Not only is it sexy and adventurous, but it saves on bus fare, which means you can buy your date one more item off the dollar menu. But being in the real world, all that wrist splooge isn't gonna just cleanly come off your wrist. What if you are wearing long sleeves, and that stuff gets all over your clothes? Well you're gonna look like you just jacked off onto your own sleeves. How many times do you think your girlfriend is gonna let that one slide?
OVER WORKED AND UNDER PAID
Saving a damsel in distress sounds like it could be fun, right? At the end of the night you could very well walk away with the phone number of a hot girl. What's wrong with that? What about 20 damsels in distress, 4 balds guys, and an over weight cop who unfortunately had a little "accident" due to the overwhelming stress of the situation. And that's all before the night of the big final you got in Non-Classical Astro Physics. What about rescuing every lost cat in the entire state all before that sexy date you have planned with your significant other? Well I can tell you right now fur balls are not an aprhodisiac and neither is having to give mouth-to-mouth to that bald pimp. What happens when all the over weight, donut-eating cops start to rely a little TOO much on your good deeds? Well I can tell you this much, kiss your you life of LARPING and attending the local ice cream socials with your "special girl" good bye.
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