YOUR NAME IS...

So it's been a few weeks since my last post. It's a combination of me having absolutely no ideas and the arrival of Halo:Reach, but HUZZAH, I am back for another post. Hopefully my one reader has remained loyal to my phlog.

Today I was just thinking of those little mistakes people can sometimes make in social settings. These things are completely common but can make many situations worse by not addressing them immediately. Today I would like to address NAME FORGETTING.

WE'VE MET BEFORE

Has this ever happened to you before. You extend a hand in friendship, politely introduce yourself, then the guy on the receiving end of the most polite and courteous introduction says, "We've actually met before. You know at BLAH BLAH BLAH." What an asshole. Obviously you are now flustered, and in panic mode, so you do what most normal people do to so save face. You say, "OH YEAH! Sure sure. Of course I remember." It's all total bull though. Well, after learning my lesson over the years, I now stay clear of the "Nice to meet you" greet unless I am totally sure I am meeting them for the first time. I use the "How's it going?" or "Good to see you". That way it leaves it open enough so that you can believably save yourself should the jerk you just introduced yourself to decide to play mind games and tell you that you were actually the best man at his wedding.

HEY....YOU.

So you're at this cool party of close friends. Like ten people or so. You know everyone, you are sure of that. But the hippie in the corner...what's her name? You remember her because one day you had the misfortune of hanging out with her on the one day she decided to wear shorts and share with the world what she has not been shaving. She's also vegan. What's up with that? Well in this situation, with such a small group, you have to tread carefully. You don't want to draw the most attention. Why? Because that makes it most likely that people are gonna be talking to you about other people. And what do you think will happen when they talk to you about the hippie and you talk of her as some girl you've never met? So you got to play this cool. What you should do is bring a friend over with you to the other corner of the room and offer to make drinks, then have her call out to different people and ask if they need more booze...chances are, she's gonna call out the hippie's name and you're gonna look like a gentlemen in front of Betty Sue, who's looking smokin' tonight. Now this won't always work so your other options are:

-Invent some game where everyone has to write their name on a piece of paper.

-If the person who's name you don't know has something that stands out about them eg. green hair. Ask "Who do you think has the greenest hair?"

-Talk about the person in question, but in a vague way so that the person who you are having the conversation with has to say the name of the person in question. For example

YOU: She's a total bore.
HOGARTH: Who?
You: She is.
Hogarth: Who is "she"?
You: You don't know her name? You're an asshole.
Hogarth: Sue?
You: No
Hogarth: Leroy?
You: No
Hogarth: Claire?
You: YES. CLAIRE.
Hogarth: Why is she a bore?
You: Hmm? What?

I AM (INSERT NAME HERE)

You're talking to Ruth and the conversation is going well. You guys are talking about bottle caps and jax(es?) and you thought the party couldn't get any wilder. Then Geena walks by and you hear her say "...Moonlight Sonata was one of Brahm's best pieces." Then you say to Ruth, "Geena is so stupid. We all know Vivaldi wrote Moonlight Sonata. What an idiot!" To which Ruth replies, "I am Geena". TWIST. So being quick on your feet you say, "That's right. You are Geena. Ruth is the dumb one." While you may think you're slick, your error is as obvious as the face a child makes when it's pooping in its pants. Well, this is a tough situation to get out of. At this point, just take it and realize that the hour you spent hitting on Ruth has gone down the toilet. I mean Geena.